im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
