There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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