It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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