No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
