I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
