soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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