Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
