He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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