If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
