apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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