The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
