During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
