I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone signed my nipple.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
