scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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