Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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