just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
