im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
