there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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