from now on my penis is your penis
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize