allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
