You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
