I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
