I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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