she looked like the before picture.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
