I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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