Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
