just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
