Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
