I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
