He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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