he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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