so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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