direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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