how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize