dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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