No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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