C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
