Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
