the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
