The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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