in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
