I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize