Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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