There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
