so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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