White coat. Heels.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
