i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
