Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want you more than these girls want KFC
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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