OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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