Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
