i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
