You really coming over, don't trick.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
