booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
