i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
