At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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