i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
