got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
