Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
