i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
