I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
