If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
