I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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