Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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