i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
