my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
try to milk me bitch
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
