Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize