Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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