Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
