i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
