at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
