You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
