We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
