Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Couch. On fire.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
