Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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