Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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