you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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