I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize