There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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