I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
