I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize