The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
this will be a night to untag.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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