i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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