Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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