And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
