I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
