i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
