i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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