i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
