Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
