i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
