I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
