Having a random hookup so left but love u
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize