i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
