So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
