Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
