I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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