her vagine was all disorganized.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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